Many people stay away from someone who has been bereaved by suicide because they fear saying the wrong thing. Being there, imperfectly, is usually better than staying silent.
Simple things that help
- Say the person's name and say that you are sorry. Something as short as "I'm so sorry about [name]. I'm thinking of you" is enough.
- Listen more than you advise. You do not have to explain, fix or find the right words.
- Use the words the family uses. If they say "died by suicide", you can too. If they prefer to say less, follow their lead.
- Offer specific help. "Can I bring a meal on Thursday?" is easier to accept than "Let me know if you need anything."
- Keep showing up. Support is often needed long after the funeral. Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays can be especially hard.
Things best avoided
- Looking for reasons or assigning blame.
- Comparing losses or saying "at least…".
- Telling someone how they should feel, or when they should feel better.
- Sharing details of the death with others without permission.
Looking after yourself too
Supporting someone through grief can be heavy. You can step back when you need to, and you can encourage the person to seek professional or peer support rather than carrying everything alone.
If you are worried about someone's safety, contact local emergency services or a crisis line. See Get help now.
This article is general information and does not replace professional advice.