Grief after a suicide can be deeply personal. People often describe a mix of feelings that may arrive together, one after another, or not at all. None of these are a test of how much you loved the person.
What many people describe
- Questions that may not have answers. Many people replay conversations and ask "why?" or "what if?" It is common, and it does not mean you are to blame.
- Guilt and self-blame. Hindsight can make signs look clearer than they were at the time. Feeling guilty is not the same as being guilty.
- Anger. At the person who died, at others, at yourself, or at the situation. Anger is a common part of grief.
- Shame or fear of judgement. Stigma can make people hesitate to talk about how their loved one died.
- Relief, numbness or no strong feeling. Some people feel relief after a long period of worry, or feel very little at first. These reactions are also human.
- Loneliness. Friends and family may not know what to say, and some people stay quiet to avoid saying the wrong thing.
There is no timeline
Grief does not move through neat stages, and it does not follow a schedule. Some days may feel manageable and then something small, such as a song, a date or a smell, can bring everything back. This is a normal part of many people's experience.
Looking after yourself
You do not need to do all of this, or any of it, in a particular order:
- Basic care when it is hard: food, water, rest, and time outdoors if you can.
- Letting one or two trusted people know how you are really doing.
- Taking decisions slowly where possible, and asking for practical help.
- Finding spaces where you do not have to explain, such as a support group, a counsellor with experience of suicide loss, or a community of others who have been bereaved by suicide.
When to reach out for more help
Consider speaking to a doctor, psychologist or counsellor if grief feels unmanageable, if you are not able to function day to day for a long time, if you are using alcohol or other substances to cope, or if you are having thoughts of harming yourself. If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services. See Get help now for crisis and emergency information.
This article is general information. It is not a diagnosis and does not replace professional care.